Shielding Children from Divorce

As any Orange County family attorney can attest, dragging children through an acrimonious divorce is one of the most undesirable aspects to a dissolution-of-marriage proceeding. Children often blame themselves for their parents’ split and the services of a professional counselor may be required to assure the children that they are loved and not to blame for the divorce.


Put the Children First

It is common for spouses to focus on the immense hurt and difficult life transitions associated with divorce. However, the best thing to do is to put the children’s needs first and ensure that their emotional well-being is preeminent over any other aspect of the situation. Children should not be treated as a detail to “work out” but as the most important relationship to maintain for both spouses. The children of the marriage are to be treated as more valuable than any other marital property and both parties must devote the most amount of time to drafting a visitation, custody and support schedule that puts the children’s best interest above any other concern.


The younger a child, the more resilient she is to the surrounding circumstances. Children have a unique way of bouncing back after a divorce, provided the parents have spent considerable energy making the divorce transition easy and understandable. Do not be afraid to speak with your children about the realities of the situation in a manner appropriate to their age level. Speak with your Orange County family attorney often about the custody and visitation arrangement and voice any concerns you have with regard to this issue.


Always remember, the children are not parties to the divorce and should not be overly involved in the process. Many parents make the mistake of fighting in front of the children, which is not healthy for them as they try and make sense of the situation. Children should also not enter the conflict as spies, confidants or pawns between the parents. Likewise, turning the children against one parent, known as “parental alienation,” is highly frowned upon by California family court judges and could result in a significant and abrupt change to the custody and visitation situation. Avoid this practice at all costs.

If you would like to speak to an Orange County family attorney about your situation, give attorney Bethanie Fanti a call today: 714-505-3108. 

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